Showing posts with label bored. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bored. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
My Biggest Fan
I got a ceiling fan a few days ago, and I can honestly say that that was the most exciting part of my whole summer. I know that is unbelievably sad, because usually summer brings something a little more interesting than the comfort of knowing that your room is an appropriate temperature, and if I ever heard someone as excited about a fan as I am, I would be genuinely concerned. Because fans should not be such a big deal. And I know the novelty of the fan will wear out very soon, because I'm already starting to grow weary of how COOL the detail on the blades is, and how nice it is to sit on my bed and watch them spin around, making the one you focus on look as if it's going slower. And I think I should be more afraid about my mental health because of this fascination, but the thing I'm worried about the most is what the hell I'm going to do when the honeymoon period with my fan has worn out. Maybe I'll invest in a lava lamp. Or a life.
I'm Sorry, Television
You know there is something slightly wrong with you when you make a menacing face at your television and tell it to SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW! And then take the remote and try to dramatically press the power button, but you didn't realize that there was a chair in the way, and you sit there for a few seconds flailing your arms around in a fit of rage trying to turn the TV off while still keeping all of your dignity.
And the television does turn off eventually.
But you realize that there is something slightly wrong with you. Because there is no point in trying to keep your dignity, or talking to inanimate objects when you are sitting there all alone. By yourself. With no one there to see you.
And the television does turn off eventually.
But you realize that there is something slightly wrong with you. Because there is no point in trying to keep your dignity, or talking to inanimate objects when you are sitting there all alone. By yourself. With no one there to see you.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
The History of the Mini-Cow
If you have read my last post, which you should have, this will be a further explanation of the frequently mentioned mini-cow.If you have not yet read the previous post, you should. It is sitting right underneath this one. If you have not read that blog you will be completely and utterly confused. I suggest you read that blog. This one isn't going anywhere.
So now that we are all acquainted with ye olde blog, I am sure you are wondering what in the hell a mini-cow is, and why I am so fascinated with them.
A mini-cow is a fictional creature invented by me, mainly, and also my boyfriend. It will be real, though, as soon as I become a mad scientist and throw one together.
Mini-cows are in most ways identical to your average cow. They have a rather large head, and a stomach that bulges out on the sides. They are constantly covered in flies (although mini-cows get the honor of toting around mini-flies as well) and their tails are constantly flopping around, trying to shoo those little buggers off their backs so they can graze in peace. Mini-cows also have a similar diet to normal, average-sized cows. They will eat just enough grass so that the lawn will look neatly mowed when they are through with it. And yes, they still have putrid flatulence that send horrible amounts of methane gas into Al Gore's precious atmosphere.
The difference between a mini-cow and a normal cow is the size (if you haven't already guessed..) Mini-cows are about the size of a beagle. A small, adorable beagle. Due to this size, their voices are also very small and high-pitched. Instead of a meaty "MOO" from a large cow, the mini-cow sports a shy, quiet "... moo." that will leave onlookers squealing "AWW!" in awe.
When I create my mini-cows, after I've locked myself in a damp, eerie basement full of strange test tubes and electrical wires, they are sure to flood the countryside. Everywhere you look there will be another mini-cow, destroying the ozone layer and deeply upsetting Al Gore. The only way to reverse this devastating occurrence would be to destroy all mini-cows! But no one will be able to resist their adorable "...moo."
So now that we are all acquainted with ye olde blog, I am sure you are wondering what in the hell a mini-cow is, and why I am so fascinated with them.
A mini-cow is a fictional creature invented by me, mainly, and also my boyfriend. It will be real, though, as soon as I become a mad scientist and throw one together.
Mini-cows are in most ways identical to your average cow. They have a rather large head, and a stomach that bulges out on the sides. They are constantly covered in flies (although mini-cows get the honor of toting around mini-flies as well) and their tails are constantly flopping around, trying to shoo those little buggers off their backs so they can graze in peace. Mini-cows also have a similar diet to normal, average-sized cows. They will eat just enough grass so that the lawn will look neatly mowed when they are through with it. And yes, they still have putrid flatulence that send horrible amounts of methane gas into Al Gore's precious atmosphere.
The difference between a mini-cow and a normal cow is the size (if you haven't already guessed..) Mini-cows are about the size of a beagle. A small, adorable beagle. Due to this size, their voices are also very small and high-pitched. Instead of a meaty "MOO" from a large cow, the mini-cow sports a shy, quiet "... moo." that will leave onlookers squealing "AWW!" in awe.
When I create my mini-cows, after I've locked myself in a damp, eerie basement full of strange test tubes and electrical wires, they are sure to flood the countryside. Everywhere you look there will be another mini-cow, destroying the ozone layer and deeply upsetting Al Gore. The only way to reverse this devastating occurrence would be to destroy all mini-cows! But no one will be able to resist their adorable "...moo."
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