I'm Sorry, Television

You know there is something slightly wrong with you when you make a menacing face at your television and tell it to SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW! And then take the remote and try to dramatically press the power button, but you didn't realize that there was a chair in the way, and you sit there for a few seconds flailing your arms around in a fit of rage trying to turn the TV off while still keeping all of your dignity.
And the television does turn off eventually.
But you realize that there is something slightly wrong with you. Because there is no point in trying to keep your dignity, or talking to inanimate objects when you are sitting there all alone. By yourself. With no one there to see you.

If I Wasn't Blogging Right Now...

There's something about waking up at 1 in the afternoon, after approximately 12 hours fairly uninterrupted sleep that makes a person want to blog. That makes me want to blog. I have doubts that many other people get that feeling. Some would feel like jogging (although not today because there seems to be another storm over our heads), or cleaning the house, perhaps (And if you have seen my room in the past few years, you will know that waking up in a good mood still is not enough to do some recreational cleaning). I'm actually quite sure that there are many things people would chose to do on a lazy Saturday other than blog. But I am not many people. I am me and I chose to blog. Now, if you've stayed with me so far, some actual blogging will begin shorty. Like, right now.
You know, I think I am going to stick with what I was talking about before, in a list! Because, I haven't written lists on here before, but those who know me from myspace know that I love lists. But this is not a blog about lists, this is a list blog (and they have very distinct differences, believe me). So, on with the blog (finally)...

Things I Could Do Instead of Blogging (And why I don't):

1. Start and emu farm
They would probably turn into zombie emus, somehow. And eat me.
2. Make macaroni pictures
My mom would yell at me for eating the paste.
3. Construct a scale model of Tony Danza out of Lego
Not enough Lego.
4. Golf
I lost my 5-iron. (And I suck. And I don't know what a 5-iron would be used for.)
5. Make the world's largest Caesar salad
Would cause a great crouton famine. That's the last thing the world needs right now. Al Gore would come after me.
6. Turn into a mad scientist and create a herd of mini-cows that would graze in my back yard
Mini-cows still emit large amounts of methane gas. Al Gore would come after me.
7. Tend to the elephants
The mini-cows and emu-zombies ate them!
8. Make real X-ray goggles and sell them to small children for unreasonable prices
If they're real, people can see boobs and such.
9. High five everyone
Some people have gross hands. And diseases.
10. Bomb Iraq
Oh, wait, see, George Bush should have a blog.
11. Prove the Existence of Aliens
They would abduct me, and my mini-cows. And Al Gore.
12. Re-elect Pluto as a Planet
I don't think you can elect planets. And the space people would probably send their aliens after me.
13. Buy a Funny hat and sing karaoke
Been there, done that.
14. Cut the Grass
I have mini-cows to do that for me.
15. Kidnap Al Gore
So I could have my mini-cows, and Caesar salad. I would blame it on alien abduction.



(This list was pretty much half written by my boyfriend, because he's hilarious. Check him out here.)

What would you be doing if you weren't currently reading this blog?

My Salamander

I have a pet salamander. His name is, surprisingly, Salamander, though he has gotten quite a few nicknames in the 6 months that we've had him living in the lap of luxury. Most of the time I call him Creature, although some less flattering nicknames have come out, including Stinky, Stink ball, Savage (when he makes a particularly ferocious snap at my food offerings), and Cutie (which I'm sure makes him feel very manly). My dad insists that he is a girl (which probably makes him feel much worse than when I call him cute) and usually calls him Sally or some variation of that. And my mother, well, she's too busy stuffing food in the poor things mouth and sending him on a long and painful road to obese-dom to give him a proper name. She insists that he's "Just a little boy!" and should get as much food as he wants. I object, and every time he decides to trek out from under his log when others are watching, I point out that he's gotten much rounder since the last time we actually saw his whole body.

One unfortunate night my cute little creature decided that he was not happy with something in his wonderfully designed storage box-turned-terrarium and decided it was time to make his disappointment known. I looked over and saw him scaling the wall of the box. This was quite shocking since he usually doesn't even soak in his pool while the lights are turned on. We did an emergency soil-change, and all has been well ever since.

Though many people think that a salamander is probably one of the most unappealing pets out there, I have to disagree (obviously). I get great pleasure out of having him around. He's started to recognize me as one of his "feeders" (although he probably likes my mom better, because he knows she cant resist him), and every time he sees me looking for him, he stretches his neck out from under his log and gives me a cute little salamander smile. He also has a few quirks, like his obsession with chicken, his need to attack anything that moves, and his bathing ritual (in the tub, every night at 8 o'clock). I love just watching him, he's so adorable.

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I realize that a salamander can be considered an odd choice for a pet, which leads me to my question for you marvelous blog readers:

What is the strangest pet you or someone you know has had? What pet do you wish you had?