The History of the Mini-Cow

If you have read my last post, which you should have, this will be a further explanation of the frequently mentioned mini-cow.If you have not yet read the previous post, you should. It is sitting right underneath this one. If you have not read that blog you will be completely and utterly confused. I suggest you read that blog. This one isn't going anywhere.



So now that we are all acquainted with ye olde blog, I am sure you are wondering what in the hell a mini-cow is, and why I am so fascinated with them.

A mini-cow is a fictional creature invented by me, mainly, and also my boyfriend. It will be real, though, as soon as I become a mad scientist and throw one together.

Mini-cows are in most ways identical to your average cow. They have a rather large head, and a stomach that bulges out on the sides. They are constantly covered in flies (although mini-cows get the honor of toting around mini-flies as well) and their tails are constantly flopping around, trying to shoo those little buggers off their backs so they can graze in peace. Mini-cows also have a similar diet to normal, average-sized cows. They will eat just enough grass so that the lawn will look neatly mowed when they are through with it. And yes, they still have putrid flatulence that send horrible amounts of methane gas into Al Gore's precious atmosphere.

The difference between a mini-cow and a normal cow is the size (if you haven't already guessed..) Mini-cows are about the size of a beagle. A small, adorable beagle. Due to this size, their voices are also very small and high-pitched. Instead of a meaty "MOO" from a large cow, the mini-cow sports a shy, quiet "... moo." that will leave onlookers squealing "AWW!" in awe.
When I create my mini-cows, after I've locked myself in a damp, eerie basement full of strange test tubes and electrical wires, they are sure to flood the countryside. Everywhere you look there will be another mini-cow, destroying the ozone layer and deeply upsetting Al Gore. The only way to reverse this devastating occurrence would be to destroy all mini-cows! But no one will be able to resist their adorable "...moo."

If I Wasn't Blogging Right Now...

There's something about waking up at 1 in the afternoon, after approximately 12 hours fairly uninterrupted sleep that makes a person want to blog. That makes me want to blog. I have doubts that many other people get that feeling. Some would feel like jogging (although not today because there seems to be another storm over our heads), or cleaning the house, perhaps (And if you have seen my room in the past few years, you will know that waking up in a good mood still is not enough to do some recreational cleaning). I'm actually quite sure that there are many things people would chose to do on a lazy Saturday other than blog. But I am not many people. I am me and I chose to blog. Now, if you've stayed with me so far, some actual blogging will begin shorty. Like, right now.
You know, I think I am going to stick with what I was talking about before, in a list! Because, I haven't written lists on here before, but those who know me from myspace know that I love lists. But this is not a blog about lists, this is a list blog (and they have very distinct differences, believe me). So, on with the blog (finally)...

Things I Could Do Instead of Blogging (And why I don't):

1. Start and emu farm
They would probably turn into zombie emus, somehow. And eat me.
2. Make macaroni pictures
My mom would yell at me for eating the paste.
3. Construct a scale model of Tony Danza out of Lego
Not enough Lego.
4. Golf
I lost my 5-iron. (And I suck. And I don't know what a 5-iron would be used for.)
5. Make the world's largest Caesar salad
Would cause a great crouton famine. That's the last thing the world needs right now. Al Gore would come after me.
6. Turn into a mad scientist and create a herd of mini-cows that would graze in my back yard
Mini-cows still emit large amounts of methane gas. Al Gore would come after me.
7. Tend to the elephants
The mini-cows and emu-zombies ate them!
8. Make real X-ray goggles and sell them to small children for unreasonable prices
If they're real, people can see boobs and such.
9. High five everyone
Some people have gross hands. And diseases.
10. Bomb Iraq
Oh, wait, see, George Bush should have a blog.
11. Prove the Existence of Aliens
They would abduct me, and my mini-cows. And Al Gore.
12. Re-elect Pluto as a Planet
I don't think you can elect planets. And the space people would probably send their aliens after me.
13. Buy a Funny hat and sing karaoke
Been there, done that.
14. Cut the Grass
I have mini-cows to do that for me.
15. Kidnap Al Gore
So I could have my mini-cows, and Caesar salad. I would blame it on alien abduction.



(This list was pretty much half written by my boyfriend, because he's hilarious. Check him out here.)

What would you be doing if you weren't currently reading this blog?

What the Time Change Means to Me...

This is my first non-myspace blog ever! I'm trying to not blog so seriously all the time, although I'm not sure how well that's working. Let me know what you think..

Today was the first "real" day after the unfortunate clock-changing experience on Saturday night. It was a long day. But when I walked out into the first warm day in what's felt like forever, an instant feeling of Spring came over me. Supper was eaten while the sun was still in plain view, and that annoying glare was still on the TV when Everybody Loves Raymond came on. When I realized that Spring was upon us, another thought struck me. A dreaded thought that I knew was comming but am never really prepared for. And that thought was... It's time to shave my legs.
Now, don't get me wrong. I do not lock up the razor all winter. I do shave when I am starting to feel like I will never be a female again if I let this go on. But those gender-defining moments are nothing like the end-of-winter, make-sure-you-do-a-good-job-of-it experiences.
So, after supper, when the sun was still shining, I went and got a brand new 2-blade bulk razor from the handy resealable bag that my mom so kindly purchased for me. I told myself that it would all be worth it in the end, and went ahead and did it.
Now let me tell you, 2-blade disposable razors, though claiming to be wonderfully designed with you in mind, do not live up to their promises. A long battle for smoothness ensued, but after a good half hour, I walked out of the shower in one piece, having left not one drop of warm water behind. It wasn't all fun and games though, as I did end up with a few battle scars which have now been doctored and are already showing signs of recovery.
And now I sit here, relieved that this ordeal is over, and kicking my legs back and forth so my pyjama pants will billow over my extremely smooth and touchable legs.