Sadly, I was not Given the Gift of a Famous Name

For those of you who do not already know, my name is Stephanie. My name is Stephanie and I am a thinker. I think about many things, and most of them are quite obscure and pointless. I would never speak them out loud for fear of people wrapping me up and throwing me in a mental hospital. But those that are not strange and confusing, I like to speak about. And see what others think about it. Hell, maybe I'm not the only one who has, at some point, thought of such a strange theory. You never know...
So just a few minutes ago I was thinking one particular thought. And it was not the first time I have thought about it. Sometimes this thought just bugs me. "Why!", I think. But before I lose all of you, or I have a truck pull up to my house with some burly men trying to get me to go to a "better place for me" I will reveal my thought.
The reason I introduced myself in the way that I did at the beginning of this blog, is because the blog you are about to read (or, i guess, currently reading) has a lot to do with my name. And that is because I can not for the life of me think of someone off the top of my who is fairly famous and also has the name Stephanie. Can you? I have tried time and time again (though, I must admit, not very hard) and still, I can not think of one single person.
Now, this makes me wonder. Because I know that Stephanie is not a rare name. And I know that there may be a few people if you say, googled "famous Stephanie's". But that is not the point. It is obviously not an intriguing enough name to gain any sort of celebrity around here.
The other thing that may be slightly offending is the huge amount of Stephanie's there are appearing on shows like The Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. And they are rarely the winners. They are the people that stand there looking like they had NO idea they would be going on TV, and get so many things wrong that you wonder if they did not, in fact, pass the test to get on the show, but they were so comical that the producers took them in anyway just to get some ratings.
What is the world coming to when you have to be an Uma, or a Joaquin in order to have a famous name? There is only one thing I can do to help my situation, and the situation for all of the other Stephanie's out there. And that would be to become famous myself.

How many Celebrities can you think of that share your name?

Yeah...

I'm still alive! Expect blogs soon. :)

The History of the Mini-Cow

If you have read my last post, which you should have, this will be a further explanation of the frequently mentioned mini-cow.If you have not yet read the previous post, you should. It is sitting right underneath this one. If you have not read that blog you will be completely and utterly confused. I suggest you read that blog. This one isn't going anywhere.



So now that we are all acquainted with ye olde blog, I am sure you are wondering what in the hell a mini-cow is, and why I am so fascinated with them.

A mini-cow is a fictional creature invented by me, mainly, and also my boyfriend. It will be real, though, as soon as I become a mad scientist and throw one together.

Mini-cows are in most ways identical to your average cow. They have a rather large head, and a stomach that bulges out on the sides. They are constantly covered in flies (although mini-cows get the honor of toting around mini-flies as well) and their tails are constantly flopping around, trying to shoo those little buggers off their backs so they can graze in peace. Mini-cows also have a similar diet to normal, average-sized cows. They will eat just enough grass so that the lawn will look neatly mowed when they are through with it. And yes, they still have putrid flatulence that send horrible amounts of methane gas into Al Gore's precious atmosphere.

The difference between a mini-cow and a normal cow is the size (if you haven't already guessed..) Mini-cows are about the size of a beagle. A small, adorable beagle. Due to this size, their voices are also very small and high-pitched. Instead of a meaty "MOO" from a large cow, the mini-cow sports a shy, quiet "... moo." that will leave onlookers squealing "AWW!" in awe.
When I create my mini-cows, after I've locked myself in a damp, eerie basement full of strange test tubes and electrical wires, they are sure to flood the countryside. Everywhere you look there will be another mini-cow, destroying the ozone layer and deeply upsetting Al Gore. The only way to reverse this devastating occurrence would be to destroy all mini-cows! But no one will be able to resist their adorable "...moo."

If I Wasn't Blogging Right Now...

There's something about waking up at 1 in the afternoon, after approximately 12 hours fairly uninterrupted sleep that makes a person want to blog. That makes me want to blog. I have doubts that many other people get that feeling. Some would feel like jogging (although not today because there seems to be another storm over our heads), or cleaning the house, perhaps (And if you have seen my room in the past few years, you will know that waking up in a good mood still is not enough to do some recreational cleaning). I'm actually quite sure that there are many things people would chose to do on a lazy Saturday other than blog. But I am not many people. I am me and I chose to blog. Now, if you've stayed with me so far, some actual blogging will begin shorty. Like, right now.
You know, I think I am going to stick with what I was talking about before, in a list! Because, I haven't written lists on here before, but those who know me from myspace know that I love lists. But this is not a blog about lists, this is a list blog (and they have very distinct differences, believe me). So, on with the blog (finally)...

Things I Could Do Instead of Blogging (And why I don't):

1. Start and emu farm
They would probably turn into zombie emus, somehow. And eat me.
2. Make macaroni pictures
My mom would yell at me for eating the paste.
3. Construct a scale model of Tony Danza out of Lego
Not enough Lego.
4. Golf
I lost my 5-iron. (And I suck. And I don't know what a 5-iron would be used for.)
5. Make the world's largest Caesar salad
Would cause a great crouton famine. That's the last thing the world needs right now. Al Gore would come after me.
6. Turn into a mad scientist and create a herd of mini-cows that would graze in my back yard
Mini-cows still emit large amounts of methane gas. Al Gore would come after me.
7. Tend to the elephants
The mini-cows and emu-zombies ate them!
8. Make real X-ray goggles and sell them to small children for unreasonable prices
If they're real, people can see boobs and such.
9. High five everyone
Some people have gross hands. And diseases.
10. Bomb Iraq
Oh, wait, see, George Bush should have a blog.
11. Prove the Existence of Aliens
They would abduct me, and my mini-cows. And Al Gore.
12. Re-elect Pluto as a Planet
I don't think you can elect planets. And the space people would probably send their aliens after me.
13. Buy a Funny hat and sing karaoke
Been there, done that.
14. Cut the Grass
I have mini-cows to do that for me.
15. Kidnap Al Gore
So I could have my mini-cows, and Caesar salad. I would blame it on alien abduction.



(This list was pretty much half written by my boyfriend, because he's hilarious. Check him out here.)

What would you be doing if you weren't currently reading this blog?

Sitting

The thing about life, or my life anyways, is it is horribly stressful. But not in the way that you have a million things to do every second with no time to sit. No, believe me, I do enough sitting. It's more of the stress from doing nothing but sitting. Not that sitting is a particularly stressful task, but when nothing is being done but the sitting and life seems to be passing you by, and that thing you've been meaning to do for the past month but you haven't done due to all of the sitting, that is when it gets bad.
I know there is an easy solution. And that is to get out of the seated position right now and do all of those things that are meant to and need to be done. I could do that. I should do that. But then there's that thought I have. Which is probably very strange and has never been in any other person's head but mine. But it's a thought that once I complete this task that has been waiting for so long, that there is no going back. Once these things are done, they can't be undone, and my life will never be without them again. And I will be older and even though I'm no longer just sitting, life is still flying by without my permission.
I hate Sundays. Absolutely hate them. Because that is the day where I sit at home and think about how tomorrow is Monday and that it's going to be another five days before I can stay up late and sleep in and eat at irregular hours again. And then I go "Holy crap I just lost another week." Another week of what I love and am used to, being with my family and seeing my friends whenever I want. Sundays mean another week closer to not having these things, having to leave home and grow up and never look back.
Basically, I want to put my life on pause for a while, so I can sit without being stressed and just enjoy everything that is so often taken for granted. But, sadly, I can't see the technology capable of making that happen appearing anytime in my lifetime. So maybe if I stopped just sitting, and added some more stress to my life, I would be less stressed out. It sounds like a horrible plan, but I think that it is so crazy it just might work.

Addicted

The thing about Wheat Thins is that as soon as I see them I get a primal urge to eat the whole box before anyone else has even noticed their presence. I grab the box and smuggle it to a safe place, far from the eyes of my garburator brother. And then I eat. And I will not stop until I am disturbed, or realize that I have become a wheat-crazed animal that needs to be stopped and fast.
When I look at the back of the box and see that I can eat thirteen whole crackers and it wont even be 100 calories, it makes me smile. Because that means I can eat a little more than thirteen crackers and I will only be eating a total of 100 calories and that is pretty damn good for something as tasty as these heavenly crackers. And after these thirteen crackers I decide that it would be much better to just eat another thirteen instead of something horribly unhealthy such as a donut or an equally carb-and-fat-filled delight. And it is, after all, just another hundred calories. I can do this, I think.
And then I usually stop. After a reasonable 26 crackers. And I sit there being proud that I am satisfied and I didn't have to resort to a cookie. Or potato chips. I begin to do something else, usually something very un-fun, such as homework. And I sit there thinking about math and how I should eat another wheat thin. Just one. Because what harm would that do? None. That is correct.
And then I eat three Wheat Thins. Because it is hardly worth it to get wheat stuck in your teeth for an hour just to eat one measly cracker. But three isn't bad, really. There aren't even 100 calories in thirteen!
And this is why my mother rolls her eyes when I ask ever so nicely for my precious crackers. Because I do it every time. No matter how hard I try.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am addicted to Wheat Thins.

I Live a Life of Superstition and Jinxing

Last night I was so proudly telling my boyfriend that I had not been horribly sick in such a long time, and that that was rather odd because I usually catch some sort of bug at least once a year, and I take that opportunity to be a big baby about it and complain about everything. After informing him of this, I proceeded to knock on my desk -my wood desk- because I am superstitious in ways, and I did not want to jinx my healthy state of being.

I have reason to be superstitious, you see. About a month ago my dear friend was talking about getting a kink in her neck. I decided to mention that I had never gotten a kink in my neck and I thought it looked pretty funny when she showed up to school with her head tilted to one side. I did not find the need to knock on any wood products.
I woke up the very next morning with a kink in my neck.
My very first ever neck-kink. I spent 3 days not being able to look to the right without feeling like I was being stabbed in the neck with a very sharp knife. I no longer think it's funny when people come to school with tilted heads.

Now I am doubting the classification of particle board as wood. Because I woke up deathly ill this morning. Deathly ill and feeling rather dehydrated. Trying to fix this dehydration issue led me to discover that I wasn't even able to hold down water. Not even for a minute. So after getting rid of this obviously unneeded sip of water, I went into the living room and curled up in a ball of pain. My mom asked if i was okay, I said no. And then I fell asleep.
I woke up feeling better. I drank some water. And waited. And then I thanked my stomach for letting me replenish my cells. I spent the rest of the day sitting and eating toast and crackers.

My family had pizza for supper. I did not. My mom didn't think it was a good idea. I was angry, until I found the superfries. My mom said superfries should be fine, and since there really weren't that many left, I should just make the rest of the bag. I told her that I wouldn't be eating them all, because I was still feeling fairly sick. When they got out of the oven, I inhaled every last fry crumb without hesitation. Because superfries are just that good. I don't care if I stay up all night tossing fries, because now I am satisfied.


Do you consider yourself to be a superstitious person? Have you ever jinxed yourself?